Halfway Heist
Stealing moments from ourselves
Half in is half-hearted. It’s the best way to never be fully anywhere. No matter how many steps the right foot takes, if the left foot won’t join, we can never know what giving our all feels like. It’s a posture of fear. A split stance for safety, but the cost is balance.
Both feet in means commitment. To commit comes with stakes, some of which feel like sharp spears aimed right at our hearts. To be sure we don’t get stabbed, we don’t take a step at all. Instead, give one foot for appearances and keep the other ready for retreat.
I’ve gone half in on some things, and it’s shown. People and situations I loved outgrew me because I wasn’t willing to step into them, and some of the positive outcomes I’ve had throughout life were only a fraction of what they could’ve been had I just given it my all.
But I overthink, stall, finding myself in some sort of halfway heist where potential life experiences get stolen, and the thief is me.
Some of us live our whole lives only ever half in it. We give the bare minimum of ourselves because it feels safer. Yet, life is temporary. A fact that’s easily forgotten, which is probably because humans aren’t meant to be thinking of death constantly, and I’m not asking you to.
But what makes me hesitate from giving my all to some things is the sense of permanence that comes with that. If I mess it up, then a forever-ripple of my mistake will pulse out into the cosmos, ruining everything it touches. In other words, I’ve got a fear of failure and it being endless.
However, lately I’ve been trying to remember that whether I put both feet in or not, nothing is permanent. Not the situation, it’s conditions, or even me.
To feel this truth in my bones overrides the stalling and makes me want to stomp both feet down into every moment. I want to charge forward, because the risk is just fear whispering lies of permanence.
I’m not saying be careless, but carefree. Because the truth is that all is temporary. So go ahead and have the deepest and richest experience you can. I mean, we’re all here anyway, so why not?
If you give your all, then don’t expect things to stay the same, because nothing ever does. But when it changes, it’s always easier to pivot with two feet planted firm than with one that never found its footing.
If you enjoyed this piece and would like to support my work with a tip, here’s a simple way to do that.
Thank you for reading.